Gaily Forward- Users & Losers

Being a big guy in the gay community just seems to be a magnet that draws USERS and LOSERS like an electromagnet draws steel. You wouldn’t believe some of the things that I have experienced in the 17 years since I came out of that tight, little, dark closet!

Before the days that the internet became as useful and effective as it is today, other than going out to the bars or to the bathhouses, gay men would use phone chat lines in order to find someone to meet, either just for sex or in hopes of developing something more. Guys would create their profile verbally, describing themselves and saying what they were looking for, and then if someone heard something that they liked, they could leave a voicemail message in your mailbox and if you were interested in what they said and their description, you could exchange messages back and forth until you felt comfortable enough to connect directly and make arrangements to meet.

One time, I had a guy come on to me, and we made arrangements for me to go meet him late one night, so I got cleaned up, went and got in my car and drove 15 miles in the wee hours of the morning. Upon arriving at the address he had given me, which was in a nice, swanky neighborhood, the lights were all off, and I went up and rang the doorbell, only to not get any response. I rang it again, but still no reply. I had a carphone, so I went back to my car and called the number, but it went to his answering machine. I left a message that I had arrived and was waiting out in front. I waited for a call back, beginning to feel really stupid and used. So I left and drove around the block and came back only to see a light on now. So I went up to ring the bell, but as I was stepping onto the front porch, I saw him inside in the living room making out with another guy. I just turned around and went back home, feeling so stupid that I was out at 2AM trying to meet someone. When I messaged him on the system to tell him what I thought of him, he responded that he didn’t think I’d actually come, so he had also contacted another guy who arrived prior to me. NO, he did not get another chance.

Another time in St. Louis, I had talked extensively with a guy about meeting him, and he assured me of how turned on he was buy big guys, but he had a fetish that he enjoyed. He found it very exciting to have a big guy arrive at his door with a can of whipped cream, and to put whipped cream on his face and then ring the doorbell, and he would open the door and begin licking off the whipped cream, and then we would get naked and finish eating the whipped cream off of each others bodies. It sounded like kinky fun, so I agreed, because we had talked for quite some time and he seemed like a really fun guy to meet. So I went and purchased a can of whipped cream, and headed to his house, arriving at the door and covering my face in whipped cream and rang the doorbell. NO answer. I rang it over and over, banging on the door, opening the screen door to knock directly on the wooden door. Still, there was no response. The whipped cream was beginning to melt and drip off because it was summertime, so I got back in my car, covered with whipped cream, feeling really used.

After I moved to New York, I had been talking with a chubby chaser from Greece and gotten to know him very well. We had webcammed, talked on the phone, exchanged MANY photos of each other, and I had really grown very fond of him. Imagine my excitement when he told me that his dad, who lived in NYC and owned a travel agency business here had invited him to come here to join him in his office here! He was working as a travel agent in Athens, Greece and had been estranged from his father since his parents’ divorce when he was much younger. His father had already arranged for an apartment near Central Park, and he gave me the address. He wanted me to come meet him upon his arrival to go shopping with him for furniture and furnishings, and so we could finally get to meet. I offered to meet him at JFK when his flight arrived, but he said his dad was meeting him and taking him to the apartment, but then we could meet at the apartment and go from there. We had even talked about me moving into the apartment with him if we hit it off as well as we both expected!

So he text messaged me on the day of his flight, telling me that he was at Athens Airport taking off. I had his flight numbers and transfer information and arrival time. When he was in London for his transfer, he texted me again, telling me how rough the flight had been from Athens to London and how he had spilled his coke drink on his pants… specific details! He texted me again and said that he had arrived at JFK and was waiting for his dad to meet him. Now, to prove just how much he loved me and to prove that he totally trusted me, he had given me the passwords to his email account and his instant messengers so that I could see for myself that he wasn’t talking to or flirting with anyone else but me.

So I had taken a vacation day from my job, in order to go meet him and spend the day with him, and was at home waiting for his call to come join him. But it didn’t come. I texted him again, and again, but got no response. I began to get worried that something had happened, after all, I had essentially followed his progress all the way from Greece to JFK, so he HAD to be in NYC! So I emailed him to see if he would respond to email, and he responded back that his dad had insisted on spending more time with him, and we would meet later in the afternoon. I began smelling a rotten apple, so I used a website I know to check the IP address of an email to see where it came from. It had been sent FROM ATHENS! He had never left Greece!!! It was all a well-fabricated pack of LIES!

I was SO PISSED OFF! I used his passwords he had given me to go into his buddy list and sent out blast messages to everyone on his list letting them know what he had done to me and what an asshole he was, and then I deleted everyone on his buddy list. I went into his email and sent out an email to everyone on his email list, telling them the same things, and then I emptied his contact list. And I changed his passwords so he couldn’t get into them. I let him access it after about a few days, and he couldn’t believe that I had deleted everyone he had contact with and had destroyed his reputation with them. I told him to think twice next time before he lied to someone. I also posted in every chub site and group I belonged to about him. 3 months later, I received a message from another chubby guy in Missouri who had taken off from his job and had driven 300 miles to meet him at the airport when he flew in to meet him and stay with him, but he had lied to him too and never left Greece.

I had another guy in NYC steal $20 from me after we had some fun when he asked me to go get him a drink. He had taken it from my money clip. Not being absolutely sure he had taken it, I invited him back again and set up a trap for him, leaving $5 laying out in plain sight on my dresser. As he was leaving, I looked for my $5, and seeing it was gone, I followed him out to the elevator, and told him to give me back my $5 and never to bother me or call me ever again!

One of the most memorable Valentines Days I’ve had in my 57 years was a couple of years after I’d moved to NYC. I had decided I wasn’t going to just sit alone at home so I went over to the Stonewall Bar to have a few drinks and at least be among other people. So I was having some drinks and enjoying watching the go-go boys dancing when a guy came up to me and offered to buy me my next drink. This almost NEVER happens, for someone younger to buy a drink for someone older like me, so I said ok, in shock. We began to talk and get acquainted, and he started telling me that this was his night of discovery, because he had broken up with his girlfriend that morning and had decided it was time for him to act upon the feelings that he had always had of attraction to guys, and more specifically, to big guys like me, and when he saw me in the bar, he couldn’t resist the temptation to approach me.

He informed me that coming out for him was going to be particularly difficult because he was somewhat of a celebrity in the music world and he told me he was a world famous drummer for an internationally famous band. He had a CD player with one of their CD’s on it and he let me listen to some of their music and told me stories about the different songs. We decided to go get a bite to eat at a nearby burger place, so we walked over there, and ordered burgers and onion rings with fries and some beers, and he paid for them. Someone actually approached him in the restaurant and asked him if he was the famous drummer, and asked for his autograph. He had a full sleeve of tattoos and longer hair, which made him easily recognizable. So after talking more about his music and his history, we proceeded to go back to my place to continue his “discovery”.

So we returned to my apartment, and got naked, and proceeded to explore his fantasies, going as far as he felt comfortable, with it being his first time, but still having a very good time! Afterwards, he told me how lucky he felt meeting me at the bar and how he wanted to really spend alot of time with me so we could really get to know each other. He said he wanted to get me a membership at the gym where he works out, and that he would have his trainer start working with me, not necessarily so I would get thinner but just healthier. He said he had a type of bike made for hiking, and he would buy me one so we could go on biking trips together, and around 6 AM, after getting no sleep whatsoever, he said he had an 8 AM meeting with his manager, and then he wanted to meet me again at 11 AM to go to brunch and he would also see if his trainer was available to join us so I could meet him. So I went to sleep, feeling like it had been the luckiest Valentines day I had ever had, and set the alarm to wake me up at 10 for our 11 o’clock meeting for brunch.

When I woke up at 10, I realized that we hadn’t finalized where we were going to meet, so I went to grab my phone off the charger to call him, but couldn’t find my cell phone. So then I looked for my WORK cell phone, but discovered that it was missing also. I began to smell a rat, so I looked for my wallet, and discovered it was missing from my pants as well. I got online and checked my bank account and discovered there was over a thousand dollars missing from my account! I used my roommates phone and called to cancel my cards and learned that he had used it within minutes of leaving me at a jewelry store in West Village to buy watches and jewelry. Calling the store, I learned that it was just a small shop with no security cameras. I also called a playmate of mine who was an NYPD officer and he sent some gay friendly cops to my apartment for me to fill out a police report.

So the next day, I had to go to work and explain to my boss why my work cell phone was gone. She transferred my number over to my new phone, with no questions or incriminating comments, but being totally supportive and sympathetic and as soon as my phone was activated with my old number, it rang and I answered it. On the other end was a guy who sounded desperate looking for “MIKE”, my burglar, because he had discovered that his house keys were missing when he got to his job, so he was calling him at the number he had given him. I explained to him what had just happened to him and told him to rush back home and change his locks or he would be robbed blind by the time he got off work. I also encouraged him to call the police as I had done and make a report, but he said there was NO WAY he was going to make any report because no one could EVER know this had happened to him, because it would break him up with his boyfriend of 5 years if he knew he had taken someone else back home with him for sex!

So now, knowing that this was his M.O. and something he did on a regular basis, I looked up the real drummer’s website online and I contacted him to inform him that someone was impersonating him in NYC and robbing people. He wrote me back thanking me for letting him know. To make a long story just a tiny bit shorter, about a week later, I was contacted by the police and informed that they had arrested my robber when he was trying to steal from someone out in Queens, and that guy had contacted the drummer and he told him about my experience which led to them setting up a trap for him and catching him. So I was picked up after work at my job by 2 detectives in an unmarked police car and taken to the precinct station and had to pick him out of a real lineup! Then a few days later, I had to go testify before the Grand Jury for his arraignment. He ended up pleading guilty of Grand Larceny and was given 7 years in prison.

Recently, I had a guy who wanted to meet me who had messaged me on one of the websites I belong to. We planned to meet on Thursday, and I gave him directions on how to get to me. He said he would shower and be on his way. This was around 3 in the afternoon, and he would message me when he was leaving. By 4:30 I hadn’t heard from him so I messaged him asking for a status update, and he said his landlord had dropped by to discuss something and he would be on his way as soon as he finished with him. To make a long story short, by 11PM he was still telling me his landlord was still there but for me to text him at 11:30 to give him an excuse to leave and he would be on his way to spend the night. SURPRISE! He never came. 2 days later, he contacted me again and said that the incident with his landlord involved a cracked wall in the basement which needed attention and his landlord had finally come by to perform the repairs, but it took much longer than expected. That sounded rational, so I agreed to give him a second chance.

He wanted to reschedule our meeting for Saturday evening, but I informed him that I had to attend the Furball to promote my bear club. He convinced me that if I would leave the dance early and come home to meet him, he would be sure to make it worth my sacrifice. So I left the dance early, getting a text from him just as I was leaving confirming my departure, cancelled my ride I had scheduled for my return at 1AM and instead worked my way through the subway system, overcoming the fact that the E train was not running for the weekend, which necessitated a lot of walking and transfers, but made it home right on time, and waited, and waited, and waited…. He did it again. The ironic thing is how he says in his profile: “If u r up for games, keep it moving… If u wanna have some serious fun, hit up this hot boy for a nyte you will never forget…” What a player!!

Why do guys think that we don’t have feelings and try to use us and take advantage of us so much? Is it any wonder that I want to find just ONE LOVING GUY to be with so I don’t have to put up with this BULLSHIT of USERS & LOSERS anymore?

Comments are welcomed, unless you are going to tell me how gullible and desperate I am. You can put those comments where the sun doesn’t shine! I don’t need them.

About BearChub4u

After 20 years of being in a sometimes happy, sometimes frustrated marriage, I decided it was time for me to stop living a life of lies and deceit and be true to who I really was, a gay man, and to start pursuing my own pathway to happiness. That pathway has had many high points and low points with many obstacles thrown at me by fate. While I have met many wonderfully sweet men over the years, some for short term relationships and others for brief encounters, my search continues for that one "Mr. Right" that I can be with long term, sharing everything in our lives together. to see who I'm searching for. Maybe it's you?
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4 Responses to Gaily Forward- Users & Losers

  1. Arbender says:

    Im gonna disagree. I dont think your size has anything to do with it. Its the world we live in. Some people are doers, followers, leaders, and many are users. I know it sucks to have to keep one eye open, the other on the lookout for bad people. This is something we all face… not just my loveable chubs in the gay community.

    • BearChub4u says:

      But I think most chubs would agree that we get used and targeted more than most because we’re perceived as being desperate for the attention and thus will put up with and accept anyone or anything. If they only knew that I probably get more action than most of them do, and turn down more than I accept! LOL.. Me? Desperate? :-)))

  2. This is the second time I have read this post, and it saddens me that I AM not surprised that there are some incredibly cruel people on this Planet. Yes, there are a lot of good people, too, but it seems as though the not-so-good ones sour a lot for so many. Nonetheless, I AM happy that you have overcome a lot of the challenges you have faced with a lot of these men. And I must confess to being humorously Re-Minded about a Scorpio’s motto: “Don’t get mad, get even!” I especially love the story about the Greek guy who tried to play you for a fool! I have a feeling he might have thought twice before doing the same shit again (or, at the very least, giving out his passwords!). Thanks, again, for posting.

    • BearChub4u says:

      You did notice that he pulled the same shit on a chubby guy just a few months later, who took off from his work and drove 300 MILES to go meet him at the nearest airport when he flew in… He contacted me and said he wished he had found my postings BEFORE he went through all of that!

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