I just joined a website… UPS.com, and to complete my registration, UPS asked me some questions, to verify that I was really me. The questions consisted of things going back decades in my past, such as:
Which of these addresses did you share with Cheryl Langley?
I haven’t shared ANYTHING with my ex-wife, DIANE LANGLEY (her real first name is Cheryl, but we NEVER used it!) in 20 years!
Bill Langley was born in which of the following months?
Bill Langley is my brother, who I haven’t even spoken to for more than 7 years. The date of his birth goes back 56 years!
What model of car was registered at 606 Pine Street?
606 Pine Street was my childhood home, where I have not resided in over 30 years! Am I supposed to remember EVERY car that was ever registered at that address?
Why should UPS.com even know that my ex-wife even exists? She has not been part of my life in 20 years, as long as I was married to her. I suppose soon our security questions will consist of something like the following:
Does your penis hang to the left or to the right?
The answer would be to the left, in case anyone was wondering.
Which of your testicles is larger, the left one or the right one?
The right one is larger, which I think is why my penis hangs to the left, because there’s more room on that side in my underwear.
How many times did you have sex with your wife outside of the bedroom during your 20 years of marriage?
The answer to that one is easy…. NOT ONCE, in 20 years!
So the next time you are, for example, getting an HIV test done and they ask you, “How many sexual partners did you have sex with in the last 6 months?”, just keep in mind, that you better remember that answer, because someday, you may be registering at UPS.com and it might just come back to haunt you!
It seems that we have signed away any sense of privacy that we ever had in our country, if indeed, we ever did have any in the first place! Every aspect of our life is a part of some database somewhere, and this began long before GWBush signed the Patriot Act into existence, post 9/11. As George Orwell so succinctly put it in his book, 1984, Big Brother is indeed watching, and he has a very, very long memory and it seems a BIG MOUTH, because UPS.com has no business knowing what addresses I shared with my ex-wife more than 20 years ago! It’s a good thing my attempts to forget that period of my life have been unsuccessful! Who knew I’d have to spit it out at some website just to get in!
Have you ever been asked “security questions” that surprised you? Share your experiences in the comments below!