A little over 37 years ago, I watched as the first of my two daughters came kicking and screaming into this world. Over the years since then, we’ve been through many highs and lows together. When she won tickets to see THE BACKSTREET BOYS in concert in St. Louis at the amphitheater, and then won the radio station’s upgrade to special chairs and a backstage meet-and-greet, instead of taking a date or one of her friends, she invited ME to go with her!
She and I have always had an uncanny, almost psychic connection, sensing things about each other, even from hundreds of miles away. Last year, when she was assaulted and raped by her boyfriend she was living with, when she awoke from him knocking her out and being passed out for 5 hours, her first call was to me, in tears saying, “Dad, I need you!” Being hundreds of miles away, the most I could do was to make phone calls to facilitate her getting the help that she needed to make it through.
When she is ready to start pulling out her hair as she’s dealing with raising my teenage grandson and she just feels that maybe I might be able to have some grandfatherly influence over my grandson, she has called upon me to have a talk with him and try to get some insight into what’s bothering him and see if I can help get him to cooperate and not drive her to the point of killing herself or him!
Earlier this year, she reconnected with an old friend from high school and they really hit it off, so he moved back to St. Louis from the East Coast where he was living to be with her. He seems to be a great guy, easy to communicate with and he’s finally treating her with the love and respect that she has deserved all these years. He proposed to her back during the summer, and she accepted his proposal to marry him. She planned her wedding to coincide with MY BIRTHDAY which is next month on November 15th, which means so much to me that out of all of the 365 days she could have chosen to get married on, she chose my birthday! She wants me to walk her down the aisle and give her away. But the raise that he was promised by his job 3 months ago didn’t come through until this past week, so money has been much tighter than it was supposed to be, so they don’t have the money to fly me there to be part of her happy day, and being dependent on Social Security disability for my income leaves nothing for any travel or doing anything other than barely surviving.
So it is now 3 weeks until my daughter is getting married and I have no idea how I’m ever going to get from New York to St. Louis at this point. Besides that, even if I can get there, I don’t have a place to stay because in order to make ends meet, they had to rent out their extra bedroom, leaving no place for me to stay. Being as big as I am (over 400 pounds and 6 feet tall) and approaching 60 years of age, I can’t just crash anywhere amymore. I had wanted to be able to bake her wedding cake for her, but I guess that’s not going to happen given all of the challenges. Even if I baked it somehow, my daughter’s vehicles are not suited to carrying a wedding cake from wherever I could bake it to the wedding reception.
To make matters more difficult, my fat ass won’t fit in a regular coach economy seat, so I need either 2 economy seats or a first/business class ticket. So it seems I have to accept the fact that I’m going to miss my daughter’s wedding and my 6th decade birthday is going to be one of the saddest, most disappointing days of my life. Life really sucks when you’re poor and disabled.
(If anyone wants to try helping me get to my daughter’s wedding, there is a PAYPAL DONATION button on the upper right corner of this page. Any help will certainly be very appreciated.)